There’s a quote by Christopher Morley, “Big shots are just little shots who keep on shooting”. Looking back, I can see a clear view of how in the beginning of the year i was truly a “little shot”. I had a view of the bullseye, goals and a plan but my lack of understanding, knowledge, and experience is what prevented me from being a “big shot”. Someday I KNOW with my perseverance and determination-
I WILL be a big shot!
Thankfully I have friends! When one of them puts a foot in my ass to wake me up and give me direction it is difficult to understand or comprehend their words because my brain doesn’t work like theirs- yet, but their strength has been MONUMENTAL in my growth and pushing me FORWARD! I’ve been afraid, lonely, depressed, disappointed and on more than one occasion- wanted to give up. I’ve had my share of trainwrecks! I sometimes scream out loud, “Why ME?!!” It’s that little voice of Hope that says, “Why NOT you?” I will be your rock if you trust ME and step out in faith…. I am all you need. I love you more than you know, and I will always provide the things you NEED… MY plan for your life is perfect no matter how short or long. In April last year my faith was weak. Then anchors started showing up everywhere, Joyce messages of inspiration and hope, and my little facebook mini-me (but WAY cuter :)) bombarding my every waking moment and restored my Faith.
Again, Faith Beavers, your parents didn’t name you that by accident!
From that point on I distanced myself from negative people and I focused on the premise that God did not put me on this earth to be miserable, disappointed, scared, and lonely. All of those emotions were nothing more than God tapping the button on MY Sit Means Sit E-collar trying to get my attention….. I’ve learned that my friends are always there for me but there is only ONE who has the power to change IMPOSSIBLE TO POSSIBLE, and heal my pain. GOD. This spiritual transformation gave me the strength, optimism, determination and perseverance to
Change my way of thinking. To inspire instead of discourage, to show strength amidst great weakness, to believe in joy, happiness, love and honesty and most importantly- Proof that I AM capable of promoting these gifts instead of destroying them! I had to work at it but it changed my life….
Through the darkness of the many painful experiences I had no other choice but to STEP OUT IN FAITH and BELIEVE that all the beautiful things this life has to offer were waiting for me and hoping I would NOT give up, and LIVE in BEAST MODE- No matter WHAT obstacles or circumstances I encountered along the way.
This transformation was the catapult to my TRIUMPHS! In 2015 i was blessed with SO much! I finished 3 semesters of college. 1 B, 1 F, and the rest A’s! A few of my “friends” were transformed into family (you know who you are!). I was blessed with romantic love and an amazing boyfriend. I honed in on my shooting skills and made some awesome friends at the Machine Gun Nest! I had TONS of fun with my nephew and brother at the range and i learned A LOT from them all. I had 2 AWESOME months of relationship with my biological mother. After 20 years of desperately wanting to to hear “I love you and I wanted to keep you-finally I have the daughter I never got to have” IT HAPPENED!! My heart was overflowing and for once i was at total peace and felt like i could conquer the world!
This year I got to check of a few things off my bucket list! Cirque De Solei, Africa Safari (through the eyes and camera lense of Ryan and one of my nurses who is from Kenya), Starting College, shooting a full auto machine gun, and Christmas brunch at my parents house w/ real china, silver, and dressed up! HOW FORTUNATE AM I????!!!! WOW!!
The bio-mom relationship and the romantic one didn’t last long but I don’t regret them and I will never forget how my heart sparkled even if it was only for a brief time…. It also reminded me that people and things are not the answer to REAL happiness, joy, and peace. There is ONE way and I had forgotten that-again.
My negative thinking looked back on 2015 and said WOW! This was the most disappointing, painful, sickest, AWFUL year of your life Lysa!!! Started out heartbroken and ending heartbroken. YOU SUCK AT RELATIONSHIPS, LIFE, SCHOOL (congrats on the F!), and PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING!! I fell to my knees. Drowning in my tears. 2 seconds later the phone rang and it was the new transplant center wanting to schedule me an expedited appointment- Jan. 6, 2016. Again I fell to my knees, drowning in tears. This time i spoke from my heart NOT my head and said THANK YOU AND I’M SORRY FOR CHOOSING PITIFUL OVER POWERFUL and for putting my faith in the world and men to make me happy instead of YOU.
I’ve been EXTREMELY hurt and angry for the past 3 days. DEVASTATED mostly since Nov. 20. It’s TRULY a miracle and proof of the power and Love from God. I got a Yellow light. The slow down- caution light. It was during that time that I was somehow able to change my mind. At my lowest, on my knees, I decided to write... Miraculously I ended up actively seeking and sharing the MANY blessings and AWESOME things that also happened in 2015!!! After proof reading this post, I can honestly say that the good outweighed the bad.
FOR THAT I AM SO GRATEFUL!!
: Enrolled in Spring semester, bought books (CHECK!)
: Booking trip to Florida (CHECK!)
:Jan 6 appointment with new transplant center (CHECK!)
:Clean my room… hahahaha.